New Normal

It's Spring. The air is warmer, my garden will be good and planted soon and I will be looking ahead to Summer and have more time to spend at home doing whatever my little heart feels like. I went back to work last week and it was good to be back. This week we are on Spring Break though so I get another week off already. I planned that perfectly didn't I? I have been trying to slowly cross things off of my invisible bucket list while I have time and energy. It is amazing what you can do after losing 30 pounds in three weeks! Lord knows I wasn't doing much during those last few weeks carrying Immy. But now I can get outside and tinker around in my garden and do much needed yard work. I can also stand on tall ladders and clean ceiling fans and rearrange cabinets. Regaining ones balance is a beautiful thing! I also went back to yoga after a year of not doing yoga and I could do enough of the poses to feel like I got a good workout and stretch. I have also been getting a good amount of exercise and being very good with my diet.

Of course I think of what I would be doing everyday if Imogen had been a normal healthy baby. I long for what could have been and I ache for my sweet girl to be here. These are feelings I will always feel. My new normal is getting through each day with gratitude and a thankful heart. I want to live each day in honor of the life she couldn't have. I hug my kids tighter, kiss my husband more often and tell myself that the small stuff doesn't matter. I'm learning to let go of parts of me that are no longer useful. I want to always find joy in every simple moment. I want to make more time to see the sun rise and fall. It hasn't been too long since our lives changed forever and I am giving myself plenty of time to heal but I do not want to forget to live in the meantime. Somedays I may just lay in bed and cry and that is okay too but I think Imogen would want me to celebrate her life by living mine to its fullest.