Last year, Mother's day was so very hard for me. I had desperately been trying to get pregnant for close to a year and a half. I was sure it wasn't going to ever happen. I told myself every month that it was better to forget about another baby. I tried convincing myself of all of the things I could now do with older children. Sleep! I can sleep in on weekends and aside from illness, my kids sleep through the night and that means I do too! But I couldn't sweep the desire for another baby away even with the best convincing argument. I didn't realize last Mother's Day that I was about to conceive my sweet Imogen and I had no idea I would be celebrating the next Mother's Day with empty arms. But here I am. I am so sad that she isn't here but I am grateful for the other three who I do get to hold in my arms today. Motherhood is an adventure. I hope I never take any part of this adventure for granted. I hope my children always know that I would never trade any of this for my previous waistline or for more money in my bank account. This right here is what I love. The laughter, the tears, the arguments, the joy...every second has something for me to learn and grow from. It is hard to be a Mother, but the joy cancels out the pain and I am always left in awe that I gave life to these souls.
Today will be hard because Imogen isn't here with us. But she is in my heart and that keeps me feeling full and hopeful. It is safe to say that I learned the most about motherhood from her. Her life, although much too short, made me understand so much more about how we show love to others. The only thing I could do for Immy was love her. I couldn't change her prognosis, but I could welcome her into our hearts and hold her close until her little body was ready to let go. I am still amazed that she was alive on my chest for 34 minutes. I really thought she wouldn't survive birth but my prayers were always that we would get some time with her before she passed. I really focused on spending those 34 minutes making sure she could feel the warmth from my body and cuddling her tiny body. It will probably be some of the most important 34 minutes of my life and I am okay with that. Imogen made me the mother of four, which is what I had wanted. This Mother's Day is so different than any I have experienced, but I still have joy. I still thank God I have a heart full of love for all of my children. They make me better and stronger and love more deeply than I ever thought I could.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Day trip
Last Saturday my husband and I got in the car and drove down south to Los Angeles where we would eat at a yummy vegan restaurant, hang out at a coffee shop, and head to The Greek Theatre to catch two pretty awesome bands. It was actually the kindness of a mutual friend that allowed our Saturday to be so awesome and I hope she knows how incredibly beautiful her gift to us was...
We headed straight for Sage Bistro, in Culver City to stuff our faces with some very delicious vegan food. They were serving from a brunch menu so I was unable to order the jackfruit street tacos (sad face), however, I tried an heirloom tomato and garlic pizza and it was almost as delicious and certainly didn't suck. My husband ordered the raw tacos, which are basically pickled cabbage, jicama, cranberry walnut filling, with additional veggies all wrapped in a romaine lettuce "taco shell." Other favorites from their menu are the fried avocado tacos, and the mole bowl. Everything tastes so darn good, I could probably eat there everyday for every meal and never get tired. The service has been 50-50. Half the time we have gone it has been great and the other half...well, you get the idea. Overall, I recommend it to anyone who is willing to try vegan food. I truly believe it could change a lot of minds about giving up meat.
After our delicious meal, we drove closer to the Greek theatre to a Coffee Bean. We don't have one where we live (another sad face), and I have been anti-Starbucks now for several months. I am not a huge coffee drinker these days, but if I crave a sweet yummy drink, I steer clear of the Bux and make it at home. While at The Coffee Bean, we sat and talked about life and our kids and probably anything on our minds at the time. It was a day we had been looking forward to for many months and just spending time with my husband was something I definitely needed.
We arrived at the venue with plenty of time to spare. We had very nice seats and the weather was just about perfect. The first group was Lucius and I absolutely LOVE them! They did not play long enough though! Only five or six songs really, but what they did play was wonderful and I am really looking forward to catching them at a headlining show sometime. Definitely check them out if you haven't yet! The Decemberists were up next and they are a lot of fun to watch. The lead singer is pretty charming and I could have totally pegged his Oregonian decent even if I hadn't known. Their performance included some audience participation and a giant whale prop at the end. I would definitely see them again too.
Our night came to an end and we drove home to climb into our snuggly, warm bed. It was a great day that I got to spend with the love of my life and I can't wait until we do it again.
We headed straight for Sage Bistro, in Culver City to stuff our faces with some very delicious vegan food. They were serving from a brunch menu so I was unable to order the jackfruit street tacos (sad face), however, I tried an heirloom tomato and garlic pizza and it was almost as delicious and certainly didn't suck. My husband ordered the raw tacos, which are basically pickled cabbage, jicama, cranberry walnut filling, with additional veggies all wrapped in a romaine lettuce "taco shell." Other favorites from their menu are the fried avocado tacos, and the mole bowl. Everything tastes so darn good, I could probably eat there everyday for every meal and never get tired. The service has been 50-50. Half the time we have gone it has been great and the other half...well, you get the idea. Overall, I recommend it to anyone who is willing to try vegan food. I truly believe it could change a lot of minds about giving up meat.
After our delicious meal, we drove closer to the Greek theatre to a Coffee Bean. We don't have one where we live (another sad face), and I have been anti-Starbucks now for several months. I am not a huge coffee drinker these days, but if I crave a sweet yummy drink, I steer clear of the Bux and make it at home. While at The Coffee Bean, we sat and talked about life and our kids and probably anything on our minds at the time. It was a day we had been looking forward to for many months and just spending time with my husband was something I definitely needed.
We arrived at the venue with plenty of time to spare. We had very nice seats and the weather was just about perfect. The first group was Lucius and I absolutely LOVE them! They did not play long enough though! Only five or six songs really, but what they did play was wonderful and I am really looking forward to catching them at a headlining show sometime. Definitely check them out if you haven't yet! The Decemberists were up next and they are a lot of fun to watch. The lead singer is pretty charming and I could have totally pegged his Oregonian decent even if I hadn't known. Their performance included some audience participation and a giant whale prop at the end. I would definitely see them again too.
Our night came to an end and we drove home to climb into our snuggly, warm bed. It was a great day that I got to spend with the love of my life and I can't wait until we do it again.
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